Behind The Scenes of The X Series
by Diathorn
Summary: This is (as the title implies) a behind-the-scenes of the Megaman X series. Bizarre things happen when the X series is revealed to be on a film set. Some swearing, insinuations and, of course, insanity by the bucket load.
1. Let's Start Where We Took Off Last

Hello everyone! I am a huge fan of the Megaman series, moreso the X series. So considering how much I love the Megaman X series, I decided to make fun of it. This is a indepth look as to what happens behind the scenes of the Megaman X series. This is not a "Bloopers" fanfic. This is more like an expose. As always I don't own any of the characters. Capcom does. By the way; CAPCOM RULES!  
  
Director: Okay Gate, this is the scene where you act like a crazy maniac and mention the piece of wreckage you found.  
  
Gate: Whoaaaaa man. I can see the back of your car.  
  
Director: Gate, are you okay?  
  
Gate: I think I'm tripping dude.  
  
Director: What did you take?  
  
Gate: Acid. Wow! Jelly weasels! I've never eaten one of those before.  
  
Director: Acid? You're a Reploid! Drugs don't work on you!  
  
Gate: Battery acid?  
  
Director: Figures. Cut! Get Gate to rehab.  
  
Gate: The weasels are eating your car man.  
  
Three months and one successful rehab later.  
  
Director: Okay, feel better Gate?  
  
Gate: Yeah, I'm ready.  
  
Director: Alright, now your first scene is...  
  
Gate has fallen to the floor and is yelling about weasels.  
  
Director: What the hell happened?  
  
X: I think it's called a battery acid flashback.  
  
Director: Let's try to put a positive thinking to this. Any ideas?  
  
Zero: Sue Energizer. I always hated that bunny.  
  
Director: Good idea! You get a bonus.  
  
Zero: Now I can take Iris to that French restaurant. Yippee!  
  
Gate: Weasels!  
  
Director: Where's the caterer?  
  
Caterer: You called?  
  
Director: What the hell is up with the food your serving.  
  
Caterer: How do you mean?  
  
Director: First of all, what is it?  
  
Caterer: Why the very best curds and whey. Isn't that what you ordered?  
  
Director: No! I ordered a lunch spread. Didn't you get the phone call?  
  
Caterer: Phone call? We got the order via e-mail. There was something about ignoring any phones calls. A problem with a prankster.  
  
Director: Who could have done this? What asshole would order curds and whey?  
  
Alia: Yuck! Curds and whey? Who do you think I am? Little Miss Muffet?  
  
From the ceiling Web Spider dropped behind Alia.  
  
W. Spider: Boo!  
  
Alia ran screaming to her dressing room and slammed the door.  
  
Director: Spider! I should have known.  
  
W. Spider: I'll never get tired of doing that.  
  
Director: We'll see about that. Hey X!  
  
X: Yeah?  
  
Director: Spider just scared Alia out of her wits.  
  
X: Spider!  
  
W. Spider: Oh shit.  
  
*Boom*  
  
Director: Thanks X. Well that would explain the e-mail.  
  
Caterer: What? Why?  
  
Director: Well Spider was always on the web. Cleanup crew!  
  
Director: I have called you all here because we have received a phone call from George Lucas.  
  
X: Now there's a great way to start any meeting.  
  
Director: He said that he won't sue if we don't make it seem obvious we're using Lightsabers. So in terms of script rewrites there will be a few changes. There won't be the massive saber duel between Zero and Sigma.  
  
Zero: Damn. I was looking forward to kicking Sigma's butt.  
  
Sigma: Like you could. Besides, its all your fault. You had to start using a Lightsaber.  
  
Zero: My fault? You were using the damn laser sword before I was.  
  
Sigma: You wish.  
  
Zero (pulling Z-saber out): En garde!  
  
Sigma (Pulling his own sword out): Ha! Your skills are weak. You should not of come.  
  
Zero: The circle is now complete. You may have defeated me once, but now I am the master.  
  
Sigma: Only a master of copyright infringement!  
  
Director: Can we afford a lawsuit from Lucas?  
  
Lawyer: If it wasn't for us suing Energizer, no chance in hell.  
  
Zero: How'd you like that?  
  
Zero had just decapitated Sigma and kicked his head out the window.  
  
Director: Oh well. Call the mechanics and someone go find his head. Where's some aspirin?  
  
X: For Sigma when they get his head on straight?  
  
Director: No me. They've never gotten his head on straight.  
  
One week later  
  
Sigma: Alas, poor Yoric, I knew him well.  
  
Director: Will you stop that? It wasn't funny the first time you did that and its still not funny on the twentieth. Where the hell are those mechanics?  
  
Sigma: They're union.  
  
Director: Well don't that just figure.  
  
Wasn't that fun? Reminds me of the time I got my wisdom teeth pulled. I don't know why it reminds me of my teeth being pulled, it just does. Read and review please. Otherwise, I might have to use the Dr. Light-side of the Force. Get it?  
  
Cas: George Lucas just called.  
  
Diathorn: Ah shit! 


	2. So Fate Wears Lingerie

Hey, I'm back! Round two, go! It's I Don't Own Any of These Characters Vs. But Capcom Does.  
  
X is standing next to the catered breakfast waiting for Alia.  
  
MM Trigger: Hey, croissants!  
  
X: Who are you?  
  
MM Trigger: I'm Megaman. I'm working over at the Legend set. You look familiar, who're you?  
  
X: Megaman.  
  
Megaman: Did someone call my name?  
  
MM Trigger: Wow, you're called Megaman too? Weird.  
  
X: Yeah what are the chances that there would be three people called Megaman.  
  
MM .exe: I think you mean four.  
  
Megaman: How many people are named Megaman around here?  
  
X: All in favor of just shooting the next new person who says their name is Megaman, say 'aye.'  
  
All: Aye.  
  
X: Just to simplify things, just call me X.  
  
MM Trigger: Trigger will do fine here.  
  
MM .exe: I think .exe will work for me.  
  
Megaman: And I'll stick with Megaman.  
  
MM Trigger: Isn't X and .exe pronounced the same way?  
  
Megaman: Yeah, but anyone who sees this will be reading it, not listening.  
  
MM Trigger: Point conceded.  
  
X: Hi Alia! Good morning.  
  
Others: Morning.  
  
Alia stopped and looked at the four Megamans standing in front of her. Then at her hot chocolate. Then back at the four Megamans.  
  
Alia: Director! Sigma spiked the hot water again!  
  
Sigma: I did not!  
  
Alia: Did too!  
  
Sigma: Did not!  
  
Alia: Too!  
  
Sigma: Not!  
  
Director: A daycare center, that's what this is. A daycare center.  
  
Intern: Sir?  
  
Director: What? I'm trying get rid of this headache.  
  
Intern: Well sir, there is a problem on the set.  
  
Director: I just @&$$%*& left. What the hell went wrong?  
  
Intern: Its Zero sir.  
  
Director: Of course its Zero. If its not Zero, its X. Not X, than Sigma. Come to think of it, just about everyone but me, the interns, and the postproduction crew give me grief. And the postproduction is only a matter of time. So what's his problem now.  
  
Intern: I think it's the fight scene with Iris.  
  
Director: Oh carp. I'm going.  
  
Five minutes and a ride on one of those cool little golf carts later.  
  
Director: Zero! What the hell is going on?  
  
Zero: I can't do it.  
  
Director: Do what?  
  
Zero: I can't fight Iris.  
  
Director: I told you, we would use a stunt double.  
  
Stunt Coordinator: Uh-oh. I think that may be the problem.  
  
Director: Why does that sound bad?  
  
Stunt Coordinator: You see, I thought you had said a "body double," so that's what I got.  
  
Director: What are trying to tell me?  
  
Stunt Coordinator: The erstwhile stunt double looks like Iris and Zero won't go anywhere near her with an active weapon.  
  
Director: Does Lucas deal with this, I think not. Peter Jackson, hell no. Well, what can we do to fix this?  
  
Intern: I think I have an idea sir.  
  
Director: Why not? All right, let's hear it.  
  
Intern: I think that maybe we could, um, call Iris, the real Iris, on set.  
  
Director: What good would that do? She would see the situation, get pissed, probably start attacking Zero...  
  
Intern: And Zero might defend himself. Or we just splice in some previous footage.  
  
Director: Therefore we get our scene either way. Your right! Call Iris!  
  
Iris: You called?  
  
Director: Zero's flirting with that girl over there.  
  
Iris: What? Oh Zero? I want to have a word with you.  
  
Zero: Mommy!  
  
Director: And you're just an intern. How did you get this job?  
  
Intern: The agency wanted someone who knew in depth about robotics, advanced computer programming, and theoretical applications of micro-fusion. I just got lucky. There was one guy who was a lot better at it than me.  
  
Director: And I just got by with my liberal arts degree. I feel like a drink.  
  
Intern: You don't drink.  
  
Director: I feel like starting then. C'mon, I'll buy you one.  
  
Intern: Shouldn't you stay and handle the crew?  
  
Director looks over to where Zero is getting his face smashed into a wall by Iris in the Dark Knight ride armor.  
  
Director: They're fine.  
  
X: That's it Sigma! I'll... Hey? What's that?  
  
Sigma: What?  
  
X: See? Over there. You can see whatever it is you say.  
  
Sigma: Oh weird.  
  
X: Hey Zero! You gotta see this!  
  
Zero: What? I was trying to talk with Iris.  
  
X: Yeah, "talk." Look, it's like a running script.  
  
Zero: Your right. It's a teleprompter. I'll never have to memorize my lines ever again. (Insert evil laugh)  
  
Sigma: He scares me.  
  
X: The pinball machine scares you.  
  
Sigma: But all the blinking lights and noises.  
  
Director: Cut! I told you it was a bad idea to add text during the scenes.  
  
Janitor: Don't blame me. You listened.  
  
Anyone remember the old Megaman cartoon show from a few years back? If I get enough reviews I'll have that Megaman get blasted into oblivion by all the others. How about it? Read & review. 


	3. What's Another Word For Thesaurus?

It's chapter three already. And I'm all out of ideas for now. If I come up with more stuff later I'll make sure to write it and share with all you lucky people. And I don't own X and all that stuff.  
  
Zero: Hey! Director? I got a question!  
  
Director: I have a bad feeling about this. What?  
  
Zero: You know that fake gray Zero? The one from X2?  
  
Director: I don't like where this is going. Yes, I know the one.  
  
Zero: I was wondering if it were to be possible to borrow it for a short while?  
  
Director: I don't want to know, do I?  
  
Zero: It really is a good reason. You see, Iris and me were...  
  
Director: I said I didn't want to know!  
  
Zero: It's just for a movie.  
  
Director: No movies. I know what happens to "private" movies. She blackmails for lead actress. It's not the first time and it won't be the last.  
  
Zero: I meant a movie being played in a theater, in public.  
  
Director: Oh, a public movie. I thought it was for something else.  
  
Zero: I don't want to know. Anyway, the movie is a five hour long romantic, anti-comedy called "When All Good Cliches Become Sad and Teary."  
  
Director: That doesn't sound all that bad.  
  
Zero: Here's the plot. It's about a poor, struggling artist who gets rich and loses his life-long love. Then, somehow, her spirit possesses him. Worse yet is that there's supposed to be a love scene around that point. The highlight of the movie is when he dies and possesses the body of a single mother with ten children, six of whom have incurable diseases, and their farm is about to be bought by a greedy land baron. He uses his vast fortune to save the farm and is released from the mother by his guardian angel, who takes him through his entire life up to this point, which is just repeating the majority of the film. Then he gets a second chance to live his life out with his life-long love. The grand finale is a thirty-minute musical number about cute and fluffy animals.  
  
Director: So why do you want the Zero clone?  
  
Zero: To stick in my place. It's in black and white, so Iris shouldn't be able to tell the difference if it's the clone or me once I get it into the theater.  
  
Director: You know? I hate this job and I hate the actors. I constantly wish you'd all die so I can collect the life insurance. So you can understand why I must give my answer.  
  
Zero: It kinda figures, doesn't it? I guess I'll just try not to shoot the theater apart when my sanity shatters into a thousand deranged pieces.  
  
Director: That changed my mind. I'll call Props. It should be here in ten minutes.  
  
Zero: What? Thank you! Why the change of heart?  
  
Director: I may not like any of you, but I'm not stupid. We can't afford another lawsuit from you blasting buildings down.  
  
X: Hey Zero? What's wrong? Your looking kinda blue. And for a guy in red armor that's saying something.  
  
Zero: Iris found out.  
  
X: About what?  
  
Zero: The Zero clone I switched for the movie.  
  
X: Ouch. So what happened? Kicking, hitting, plasma?  
  
Zero: Worse. She dumped me for the clone.  
  
X: Now that's a blow to the ego.  
  
Zero: You have no idea. You know what Iris says is the best part about him?  
  
X: Talking about a new boyfriend in front of the old. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scorn. What she say?  
  
Zero: His speaking voice. You ever hear him talk?  
  
X: Can't say I have.  
  
Zero: No surprise there. He can't talk. The best he can do is just make grunting sounds.  
  
X: Unlike you.  
  
Zero: What you say?  
  
X: Nothing. Hey, how about we check over by the MM Zero auditions? That should cheer you up.  
  
Zero: What's the point? I have no bright light at the end of my tunnel.  
  
X: Oh, okay. It's just that the new batch are a bunch of fans trying out to be actors. Should be fun seeing a bunch of overacting imbeciles trying to stand in for you.  
  
Zero: You convinced me. Hey, let's take the Director's golf cart.  
  
X: Traveling in style, can't argue.  
  
Director: Where's my cart? Has anyone seen my cart? What the hell happened to my cart?  
  
X: Zero? Why are we here?  
  
Zero: I don't know. Why are any of us here? Why were we built than hid? What is the point of our existence?  
  
X: Do I really sound like that? Man, that is depressing.  
  
Zero: Got that straight.  
  
X: So why are we here at the MM Zero set?  
  
Zero: I thought you suggested coming here?  
  
X: Oh yeah.  
  
Stage hand: Quiet on the set! Hey you two! Get in line for the script readings.  
  
X: We're not here to audition.  
  
Stage hand: Sure you're not. What with the crappy armor. What's it made of? Cardboard? Stupid anime freaks.  
  
X: He did not just make fun of anime, did he?  
  
Zero: "Crappy armor?"  
  
Both: Diiiiieeeeeeee!!!!!  
  
MMZ Director: Keep it down! Hey, what happened to the stage hand?  
  
Zero: He got enlightened on a few key subjects.  
  
X: He found them to be... devastating.  
  
MMZ Director: Whatever. As long as he's back by lunch. First one up.  
  
Stage hand #2: First is William Shatner reading for the part of Zero.  
  
W.S.: To... start off... I'd like... to sing... the whole of... the Star Trek theme.  
  
X: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
BOOOOM!!!!!  
  
MMZ Director: Oh my god! He killed William Shatner!  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
Zero: What happened?  
  
X: I killed William Shatner! I'm so happy!  
  
Zero: Damnit! I wanted to kill him!  
  
X: Where were you?  
  
Zero: Killing off anyone I didn't want to play me.  
  
MMZ Director: Next!  
  
Stage hand #2: There aren't any left.  
  
MMZ Director: That's cool. Take five everyone!  
  
Director: Where the hell have you two been? We're ready for the next scene.  
  
X: What scene? The writers quit. Some problem about crossfire.  
  
Director: I know, but I got some new ones. They say they're students of Gene Rod-and-berry or something. And they work cheap.  
  
Zero: Fine, what's the scene?  
  
Director: Don't really know now that you mention it. I think a new hovercraft of some sort. Now shut up and get going.  
  
Zero: But why does X get to sit in the captain's chair?  
  
Director: Stop whining. At least you're on camera.  
  
X: Must get off, must get off.  
  
Director: Get a hold of yourself X. I'll talk to the writers about changing the scene a bit. Now just relax. Okay, and action!  
  
Camera pulls out to show the cast in a recreation of the helm of the (original) Enterprise.  
  
X (Through gritted teeth): What is our current speed, Mr. Signas?  
  
Signas: Warp factor 3 captain.  
  
Zero (Progressively): It is illogical for us to keep going at this speed.  
  
X (again through gritted teeth): I am aware of that Science Officer Zero.  
  
Alia: Sir?  
  
X ( continuing through gritted teeth): Yes, Communications Officer Alia?  
  
Alia: Well sir. Uh, I can't believe I'm saying this.  
  
Director: Stick to the script!  
  
Alia: Well sir, there's Mavericks on the starboard bow.  
  
X (Sarcastically): It be a real pity if we were to be blown up now and end this scene. Shields up.  
  
Alia: Sir, the shields are weakening.  
  
X (again continuing through gritted teeth): Engineering? Douglas, we need more power.  
  
Douglas: I canna give anymo'r pow'r capt'n. I could blow the ent're system if I did.  
  
X: That's it! I can't take it anymore! DIE ENTERPRISE, DIE!  
  
After the dust settles.  
  
Director: Feel better X?  
  
X: Lots.  
  
Director: So what's the damage?  
  
Intern: The set's destroyed, the writers are dead, but other than that, no harm done.  
  
Director: No harm done? What the hell do you mean "No harm done?"  
  
Intern: The set was insured from fires, earthquakes, and acts of God.  
  
Director: What good does that do us? How can you possible think that this counts as an act of God?  
  
Intern: Think about it. Anyone destroying a Star Trek set. I don't see how it couldn't be considered divine justice.  
  
Director: Good point. But what about the writers? X killed them. Doesn't that violate the first law of robotics?  
  
Intern: Not in this case.  
  
Director: How is this "not" the case? They were two living, human beings.  
  
Intern: There are exceptions.  
  
Director: Exceptions!? X killed one of them with an eraser and paper cuts. The other one was vivisected with his own pointy ears. How is that an exception?  
  
Intern: They were Trekkies. The rule says no harm to living humans. And as they were Trekkies, not humans, and thus obviously lacking a life, are exempt from the rules.  
  
Director: No harm done then. Cleanup!  
  
So? Any Trekkies offended? Remember, you can't spell "indifference" without a bunch of letters. Please Read & review. I'll listen to whatever you may say. Of course I'll be reading your reviews (if any), so it all winds up irrelevant. 


End file.
